


You Deserve More

by Grace_28 (orphan_account)



Series: My Destiel Heart [5]
Category: Supernatual
Genre: Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Arguments, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Slight Angst?, cas has low self esteem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:28:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22221826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Grace_28
Summary: Five things he sees.“Chair, glass, whiskey, beer.” Cas’s eyes.Four things he can feel. “The shirt, the glass, the AC.” Cas’s hugs.Three things he can hear. “People talking. Benny being obnoxiously annoying.” Cas’s “I love you.”Two things he can smell. “The whiskey.” Cas’s detergent.And one thing he could taste. Dean clenched his fist, not even attempting to name one. He didn't need anybody else to know that he could taste Cas's lips on his.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: My Destiel Heart [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1487138
Comments: 3
Kudos: 32





	You Deserve More

Dean sat down at the barstool, showing his ID before ordering a shot of whiskey. The bartender smiled and poured a shot for him. “Rough night, brother?”

“Yeah,” Dean responded curtly. He didn’t look up as he threw his head back and took it in. It was bitter. And it scratched against his throat. Dean put his hand up for another one. 

“Wanna talk about it?”

“No.”

“Family problems?”

“Look, I said no,” Dean flared his nostrils. Couldn’t he be left to wallow in despair by himself? He looked up at the bartender, flinching when he realized that it was Benny. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay, Dean.” _Dean_. Dean shook his head harshly. He shook the memory of blue eyes and soft lips away. Dean couldn’t afford to run back home. He couldn’t afford to run into the strong, warm arms, or the hushed whispers promising him that he’d be safe. He didn’t earn the right to do that now. Not after what he’d done to Cas. He winced.

“Where’s Castiel?”

“Home,” Dean responded. He signed for another shot, which Benny gave him hesitantly. “And no, he doesn’t know I’m here.”

Benny whistled. “Trouble in paradise then.”

“Like no other,” Dean scoffed. He downed the shot quickly. “Had a fight with him.”

“Mhmm.” Benny quickly poured him another shot. “So how’d he fuck it up?”

“Cas didn’t fuck _anything_ up,” Dean said air more harshly than he intended. Cas didn’t do anything wrong. He was kind, and loving, and he was forgiving. He was _perfect_. “I did. I found his weak spot, and I kept pushing until he could do nothing but push me away.”

_So you think this was your fault?_

Dean took a shot. He attempted to do the exercises Jess had told him about the last time he fought with Cas. 

Five things he sees. 

“Chair, glass, whiskey, beer.” Cas’s eyes. 

Four things he can feel. “The shirt, the glass, the AC.” Cas’s hugs. 

Three things he can hear. “People talking. Benny being obnoxiously annoying.” Cas’s “I love you.”

Two things he can smell. “The whiskey.” Cas’s detergent. 

And one thing he could taste. Dean clenched his fist, not even attempting to name one. He didn't need anybody else to know that he could taste Cas's lips on his.

“Dean!” Benny’s voice snapped him out of his trance. Dean looked up. “Your hand’s bleedin’!”

“What?” Dean asked. He looked down, and indeed, the hand that once held a cup was bleeding. The cup wasn’t even intact anymore- it was broken, and it’s shards had cut against his skin. “Oops.”

“Oops?! Brother, this is a ‘oh fuck’ situation!” Benny scolded. He carefully picked the glass up from the floor, and swept the ones on the counter. Dean chuckled sheepishly. 

“Got any band-aids?”

“Of course not! None of the customers here usually breaks glasses!” Benny continued scolding. Dean nodded.

“Alright,” Dean slid over a $50 dollar bill with his other hand after he ripped a part of his shirt to cover the blood. He wrapped his hand tightly. “For the whiskey and the glass.”

“Take care of yourself!” Benny hollered as Dean walked out of the door. Dean waved his hand dismissively. He looked at Baby, suddenly realizing that he shared memories with Cas in there too. He turned away, pulling out his phone. He unlocked it and called his brother, ignoring the cute wallpaper of their dog. It rang several times before Sam answered.

“Dean?”

“Heya, Sammy.”

“Why’d you call?”

“I, uh,” Dean swallowed, “-need a ride.”

“What happened to the Impala? Or Cas?” Sam asked. Dean winced.

“Cas and I… I messed up, Sammy,” Dean said, choking on his words. “Can you pick me up?”

There was a pause before his brother sighed. “Where are you?”

“Benny’s bar,” Dean replied. 

“Okay. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”

”Thanks.” Dean sighed in relief. He hung up and stared at his Baby. He had so many memories with Cas in there. Late night burgers, drive-in movie kisses, jokes that made his stomach hurt, and the intense makeout session they had when Dean agreed to have Claire, their cute pug. Dean smiled at the thought of the puppy, but he was immediately slapped in the face by the memory of how he made Cas cry. He looked away, choosing to stare at the gravel instead.

“Dean!” Sammy’s voice suddenly echoed in the parking lot. Dean forced a smile and walked over. “What the hell? The Impala’s right there!”

“I know, I just- I just can’t, Sammy,” Dean said. He hated how weak his voice sounded. Sam’s tense expression immediately softened. “I messed up. _Again_.”

“Dean…” Sam sighed. “Get in.”

“Thanks, Sammy.” 

“What even happened, man?” Sam asked. Dean dropped his gaze, playing with his fingers again.

“Cas and I… we had an argument,” Dean started. Sam raised an eyebrow as he drove out of the lot. “He got this call from his brother or whatever, and he started telling me how all of this was a mistake.”

“Cas said that?” Dean winced before nodding.

“He said that I deserved more. That I deserved more than him. I tried- I tried to tell him what I deserved was what I wanted- and that I wanted him,” Dean croaked out. He covered his face with his hands, already knowing that his eyes were watery. “And I know it was cheesy, but I thought that it was a good idea at the time. B-but then he started to bring up Lisa, and Anna, and- and a lot of people I used to date. I got pissed off and started doing the same thing back to him. At some point, I told him that- that if he was so afraid of the same thing happening with us, then he should walk out the door. And he did. How could I have said that, Sammy?”

“Dean,” Sam said sympathetically. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“But it was!” Dean winced at how loud his voice was. “I found his weak spot, and I-I kept pushing him until I pushed him out the door!”

“Did he willingly walk out?” Sam asked calmly.

“Yeah.”

“Then you didn’t “push” him out the door, Dean,” Sam explained. Dean looked up. “Did you break up with him?”

“No, but…” Dean bit his lip. “He _walked_ out, Sammy. He might as well did!”

Sam sighed. “How long ago was this?”

Dean looked at his watch. Three thirty in the afternoon. “About an hour ago.”

Sam sent him a bitchface. “I’m driving you back to your place.”

“What?!”

“Dean, if this was anybody except Cas, I would’ve rented you another apartment on the other side of the planet. But you hate planes. And this is Cas. The guy who literally ate dinner alone on your first date because you had diarrhea.”

“It wasn’t-”

“Point is: Cas loves you as much as you love him. You said so yourself. That Cas just didn’t think he was worth it,” Sam said. “You should go back and wait for him. And show him that it doesn’t matter what he _thinks_ you deserve. Show him that he matters to you.”

“... Sammy…” Dean looked at his brother, suddenly teary for another reason.

“I already regret saying that to you.” Dean rolled his eyes. “But you deserve to be happy. Even if you’re a jerk that abandons his beloved car.”

“I didn’t abandon Baby!” Sam sent him another bitch face. Dean pouted. Maybe he wasn’t so hopeless with Cas, or with Claire and Baby. “Thanks, Sammy. Sorry about the blood though.”

“Blood?!” Sam looked at Dean in shock. Realizing that his brother didn’t notice it, Dean opened the door. “Dean!”

“See you later, Sammy!” Dean hollered. He ran up the driveway, fumbling for the keys, and barged into the house. He grinned back at Sam through the window, already knowing that he’d receive a whole bunch of calls from his brother later. Dean turned around, his feet causing the floor to creak. He saw a faint light in Cas’s room and treaded there quietly.

He peeked inside, immediately noticing a bag and a suitcase on the bed. Dean felt his chest hurt, but he stepped inside anyways. “Dean?”

“Cas,” Dean greeted. All of his earlier cheering up seemed to have gone to waste. His boyfriend, if they even were dating anymore, looked terrible. His eyes were puffy, with tear stains on his cheeks, and his hair seemed like he pulled on it a lot. Despite that, Dean found that his heart tells him that Cas looked beautiful. Damn asshole had the nerve to look that pretty even when he’d cried.

“You’re bleeding!” Cas’s sudden screech snapped him out of his trance. Dean looked down at his hand.

“Yeah,” he confirmed dismissively. “Where are you going?”

Cas bit his lip, looking away. “I don’t know.”

“Please sit?” Dean asked, though it sounded as if he was pleading. Cas nodded, and he took a seat on the bed. Dean sighed in relief, crouching down to hold onto Cas’ hands. He held his hands tight enough to keep Cas from leaving, but not to hurt him.

“Dean-”

“Please?” Dean asked, looking up. “I’m sorry, Cas.”

“I know, I can’t stay,” Cas said bitterly.

“What? No!” Dean protested. “I’m sorry that I didn’t show you that I loved you enough.”

“Dean. This isn’t your fault-”

“Damn it, Cas. Can’t even let a man make a speech,” Dean growled. “I’m trying to tell you that I know that you think that you’re aren’t good for me, Cas. And it’s my fault for letting you think that.”

“Dean, I assure you that none of this is your fault. You are the most wonderful person I’ve ever met, and being with you never made me self-conscious.”

“But you do, don’t you?” Dean accused. “You think that you aren’t good enough, but did you ever think that maybe I’m not good enough for you? I’ve made my mistakes, Cas. I’ve made many of them, but I know that _this_ ? This is not one of them. I walked into this with you, and you ain’t gonna leave without me. If you think that some- some _stupid_ idea get in your brain, then’ I’m here to tell you that it’s wrong!”

“But, Dean you deserve more.”

“No, what I deserve is a raise from my uncle, okay? What I deserve is a dude that loves me enough to stay with me if I was at a fancy bathroom for the entire date! What I deserve is a puppy that doesn’t fart on my face to wake me up, okay?” Cas looked at him guiltily. “So I know what I deserve! Don’t tell me that everything I’d ever need is over because you think I deserve something different.”

They were silent for a few minutes before Dean spoke up again. “I know you think that I deserve more, Cas. And I really do deserve that raise at the garage.” Cas chuckled at that, his puffy eyes more watery than ever. “But, maybe what I deserve isn’t what I need. And I know for a fact, that _you_ are what I need. Not that stupid raise.”

“Dean…” this is it. This is the moment where Dean knows whether Cas would stay or leave. And hopefully, if Cas decides to leave, Dean getting on his knees will stop him. He mentally prepared another speech. “Are you sure?”

Dean’s head shot up. “Y-Yeah. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”

“You’ll regret it,” Cas warned. Dean only grinned.

“I know.”

“And you’ll hate it.”

“I know,” Dean chuckled. “But I know you’ll be worth it.”

Dean hugged Cas tightly. “Thank you, Dean. For coming back.”

“Sammy didn’t give me much of a choice,” Dean smiled. “He saw the blood and I bolted out of the car.”

“Right, I forgot about your hand,” Cas sighed. He took Dean’s hand gently. “How’d this happen?”

Dean smiled sheepishly. “I went to a bar and squeezed a glass too hard.”

“ _Dean_ ,” Cas scolded softly. “I’m glad that you didn’t sustain any other injuries. Thank you for taking care of yourself.”

“I had to,” Dean blushed. “Or else you’d get all hot and bothered.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Ah yes, I remembered how you liked that.”

“Cas!” Dean covered his face with his other hand. “Don’t make any innuendos right now. I can’t have a hard on while I’m bleedin’ half to death.”

“Maybe later then,” Cas hummed. Dean rolled his eyes. He kissed the hand softly, smiling at Dean. “I’ll be right back, Dean. I need to get some bandages.”

“‘Kay.” Dean hummed to himself. He looked to his right when he noticed that there was a constant brushing against his leg. “Claire bear?”

The pug barked and Dean couldn’t resist laughing as he picked her up.

Cas took a seat next to him, carefully applying alcohol on Dean’s cuts. Dean smiled throughout the whole thing, mentally capturing this moment. He thought about how one day, he’ll think about their first _real_ argument, and he’ll smile at the stupidity. And maybe, he’d get to marry Cas and spend the rest of his life telling him that he was the one that deserved more than Dean. And then he thought back to his own words. How he said that what he deserved isn’t what he needed. 

“She missed you. _I_ missed you,” Cas said when he was done with Dean’s wounds.

Dean beamed at Cas. His boyfriend blushed at the realization of what he said. Before he could say anything, Dean smiled. And he leaned forward to capture Cas’s lips. “Hopefully you won’t have to.”


End file.
